S o u n d C l i p s
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Currently Sound-byting:
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Veronica: Welcome to Neptune High. Go Pirates!
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Mrs. Murphy: Veronica? Veronica Mars!
Veronica: Um-hum
Mrs. Murphy: Congratulations, you’re my volunteer. Pope. An Essay on Man.
Epistle I.
Veronica: “Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never is, but
always to be blest: The soul, uneasy and confined from home, Rests and
expatiates in a life to come.”
Mrs. Murphy: And what do you suppose Pope meant by that?
Veronica: Life’s a bitch until you die.
Mrs. Murphy: Okay, thank you Ms Mars for that succinct and somewhat
inappropriate response.
Mrs. Murphy: I think what Pope’s saying is that the thing that keeps us
powering through life’s defeats is our faith in a better life yet to come.
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Veronica Voiceover: And let’s not forget Logan Echolls. His dad makes
twenty million a picture. You probably own his action figure. Every school has
an obligatory psychotic jackass. He’s ours
RIGHT
CLICK/SAVE AS
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Weevil:
Sister, the only time I care what a woman has to say is, is when she’s riding my
big old hog but even then it’s not so much words just a bunch of oohs and aahs,
you know?
Veronica: So it’s big, huh?
Weevil: Legendary.
Veronica: Well let’s see it. I mean if it’s as big as you say, I’ll be
your girlfriend. We could go to prom together.
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Veronica: What? What seems to be the problem? I’m on a schedule here,
vato.
Felix: Dude, Weevil. Don’t let blondie talk to you like that!
Veronica: Sounds like your buddy here wants to see it too.
Felix: Ah, hell, I’ll show you mine.
CLEMMONS: Felix Toombs. What on God’s green earth is going on here? All
right gentlemen, move it along. Veronica, why does trouble follow you around?
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Lamb: You need to go see the wizard. Ask him for some guts.
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Veronica:
Congratulations, sport. In your short time here, you’ve already managed to piss
off the motorcycle gang and the local sheriff.
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Cliff:
Your dad’s out tracking down bail jumpers half the time and yet somehow all the
cases that come in here still get handled. How is that?
Veronica: We’re efficient.
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Cliff:
One of my clients, Loretta Cancun, dances at the Seventh Veil…
Veronica: Classy.
Cliff: These are my people, V. She was busted for vandalism, taking a
baseball bat to the washing machine that stole her quarters at Suds’n’Duds.
Veronica: And Johnny Cochran was booked.
Cliff: I make no apologies. I like this case, it’s tawdry.
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Veronica:
God Lilly, I see the Prozac’s working.
Lilly: High on life, Veronica Mars. I’ve got a secret, a good one.
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Weevil: Things I heard about you, he
must really lay the pipe right, huh.
Veronica: Yeah, that’s it.
Weevil: All right, all right, all right. Felix, we get it, you’re a
badass, okay. But for once don’t be stupid.
Veronica: Not bad advice.
Weevil: All right, one week. After that, we come for you, your boy and
your little dog too.
Veronica: Backup, be cool.
Weevil: You get lonely out here remember, Weevil love you long time.
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Wallace:
Girl, you should hear what people say about you.
Veronica: So then what are you doing sitting here?
Wallace: You sat next to me.
Veronica: This is my table.
Wallace: And what a fine table it is. What do you suppose this is made
of? Oak?
Veronica: Look, if people are saying such awful things…
Wallace: Well, I figure I’ve got a choice. I can either hang out with the
punks who laughed at me, took pictures of me while I was taped to that flagpole
or I can hang out with the chick who cut me down.
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Veronica:
And?
Keith: Who’s your daddy?
Veronica: I hate it when you say that.
Keith: You know what, this is important. You remember this. I used to be
cool!
Veronica: When?
Keith: ’77. Trans Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, a foxy stacked
blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Now wait a minute, I’m thinking of
a Springsteen song. Scratch everything, I was never cool.
Veronica: I don’t know which bothers me more, “foxy” or “stacked”.
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Keith: I
nailed our bail jumper one hundred yards from Mexico. Twenty five hundred bucks. No sack dinners tonight. Tonight, we
eat, like the lower middle class to which we aspire. Fire up the ‘bachie. Ya-pa-ba-pa-ba, bom-pa-da-bompa, ba-bop. For real, steaks.
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Veronica: Let’s go.
Wallace: Hey, FloJo, slow your ass down.
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Veronica: Hey Adam. Hey Eddie, is the Chief around?
Phil: Well if it isn’t Smokey the Barely Legal.
Veronica: I saw you in action today Phil. You were very brave.
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Lamb:
I’ll tell you what Veronica Mars, why don’t you go see the wizard. Ask for a
little back bone.
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Wallace: I owe you big time.
Veronica: I had my own reasons for doing it, trust me.
Wallace: Oh no you don’t. You really think I’m gonna let you get away
with that? That might play with the masses. But underneath that angry young
women shell, there’s a slightly less angry young woman who’s just dying to bake
me something. You’re a marshmallow, Veronica Mars, a twinkie.
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Logan: Do you know what your little joke cost me?
Veronica: Well, I’m pretty sure you won’t be getting your bong back.
Logan: Wrong answer. Would you care to guess again?
Veronica: Clearly your sense of humour.
Logan: Nope. You’re usually so good at pop quizzes. No, the correct
answer is my car. That’s right. My Daddy took my T-Bird away. And you know what
I won’t be having. Fun, fun, fun.
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Wallace:
I suddenly feel like I’m in a scene from ‘The Outsiders’.
Veronica: Be cool, Sodapop.
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Weevil: Except for you. You, say you’re sorry.
Logan: Rub a lamp.
Weevil: I said, say you’re sorry.
Logan: Kiss my ass.
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Weevil:
My uncle has a body shop on the highway. If you come in, you know, I can make
sure your body gets the full service treatment.
Veronica: Okay, now you apologize.
Weevil: I’m sorry, w-was that too dirty, ‘cause…
Veronica: Not to me dork. To him.
Weevil: Right. No.
Veronica: Fine. He has the only copy of the Sac’n’Pac video. Wallace,
let’s go decide what to do with it.
Weevil: Okay. Wait, wait, wait, look, look. I’m sorry man, umm, for, you
know, taping you to the-the flagpole, I’m sorry.
Wallace: All right.
Weevil: Can I have the tape back now?
Wallace: Nope.
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Veronica Voiceover: Okay, so he lied to me. But I’ve got to believe he
has his reasons. He’s probably trying to protect me. That’s what dads do.
Still, I’ve got too many questions swirling about in my head to wait until he’s
willing to share. These questions need answers. That’s what I do. Okay, it’s a
long shot but I can’t help myself. I used to think I knew what tore our family
apart. Now I'm sure I don't. But I promise this. I will find out what really
happened and I will bring this family back together again. I'm sorry, is that
mushy? Well, you know what they say. Veronica Mars, she's a marshmallow.
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Veronica:
Seniors rule!
Wallace: Hey! You didn't call be back last night.
Veronica: Don't go getting all girl on me.
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Wallace: I failed
my drug test. I'm booted from Athletics for the whole year.
Veronica: You don't do drugs.
Wallace: No duh, Sherlock.
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Wallace: So,
you'll help?
Veronica: Do you even have to ask? Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back
in.
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Veronica: Hey,
what period do you have office aide this year?
Wallace: Believe it or not, I didn't sign up for a second year office aide.
Veronica: Yeah, that doesn't work for me.
Wallace: Well, you can take that up with Moms. She had these crazy ideas about
me having a well-rounded education. But don't underestimate me. The master key.
Yeah. And I got all the administrative passwords I could get my hands on.
Veronica: Ooh, you're good.
Wallace: You know, you know. I get all my criminal tendencies from you.
RIGHT CLICK/SAVE
AS
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Veronica: Got any enemies you know about?
Wallace: Well, there's the Klan.
Veronica: This is really not their M.O.
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Veronica: Meg, hey. Senior year, huh? We're almost done.
Meg: Do you want something?
Veronica: Well, I heard that you were kicked off cheerleading squad.
Meg: Yeah, but, you know me, I'm a major stoner. It was really affecting me too.
I was like 'Let's Go! Let's Go! L - E - T - S... duuuh'.
Veronica: Can you think of anyone who might of done this to you?
Meg: Well, there was this one person. I used to think she was a friend, but uh,
but yeah, yeah, now that I think about it, she'd have no reservations and she
definitely has the talent to pull it off. Let me know if you have any luck
tracking her down, okay?
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Wallace: Mr. Mars! I saw you on TV last
night.
Keith: Wallace.
Veronica: I know a 24 year old floozy who thinks you're hot.
Keith: This floozy, did you get her digits?
Wallace: Hey, alright now. Don't make me have to go home and tell my momma.
Keith: Wallace, your mom and I have an understanding.
Veronica: You do?
Keith: Yes and it's this: I behave myself and she doesn't leave me. So please
tell her nothing other than I worship the ground on which she treads.
Wallace: I'm leaving now.
Keith: Ground on which she treads. You might want to write that down.
Wallace: Got it now.
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Keith: So, senior year. How was your first day of school, honey?
Veronica: Great. I beat up a freshman, stole his lunch money, and skipped out
after lunch.
Keith: What no premarital sex?
Veronica: Oh, yeah, yes. But don't worry Dad. I swear you're going to like these
guys.
Keith: That's my girl.
Veronica: I've missed you.
Keith: I've missed you too. Now, where's my turkey potpie woman?!
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Veronica:
Butters.
Vincent: Butters is the name of the weak, loser, suck up on South Park, Butters
implies soft...fat...
Veronica: But, oh, so delicious.
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Wallace: Permanent files are in that brownish-beige filing cabinet.
Veronica: I can't believe after a year of working here you don't know the make
and model of the filing cabinet.
Wallace: Yeah, it is hard to believe. Usually memorizing that information is the
first thing I do when I enter a room containing a filing cabinet.
RIGHT CLICK/SAVE
AS
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Veronica: Scary isn't it? The lack
security. What if someone was trying to alter your permanent file?
Wallace: Weird. Trying to alter it right now.
Veronica: Alter it back. There's a difference.
Wallace: Alter it back. Cool. I was wondering where we were drawing the ethical
line this year.
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Wallace: So there's no
alterations, there's no forgery.
Veronica: So it appears.
Wallace: So, I'm screwed basically.
Veronica: Unless the results were accurate.
Wallace: Ya mon, maybe I smoke so much ganja, I don't even remember doing it.
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Veronica: I
should go cause my dad is probably watching us through a telescope.
Logan: He's probably impressed with your virtue.
Veronica: And that telescope is mounted on a rifle.
Logan: Five more minutes. He should feel lucky, you could be here with some
pretty boy jerk just looking to get laid.
Veronica: Wait, what are you trying to say, you're not pretty?
Logan: What I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you.
Veronica: The things guys will say to get past second base.
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Veronica: Are you
done yet?
Wallace: It is not going to happen if you keep doing that.
Veronica: I see. Stage fright. I'm making you nervous.
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Veronica: Well, according to the box, we only need a few drops and it'll test
for cocaine, steroids, pot.
Keith: What's up, honey?
Veronica: Wallace is having a little trouble giving me a urine sample.
Keith: Can't you talk on the phone and paint your nails, like other girls?
Veronica: Um, this is health class project. Come on, you're a man. Can you give
him some pointers?
Keith: Wallace.
Wallace: Yeah.
Keith: Tried turning the water on?
Wallace: Mmm-hmm.
Keith: Also, pinching your own nipples can sometimes work.
Wallace: Awwww man!
Veronica: Gross!
Keith: Honey, it works.
Veronica: I can barely even look at you now.
Keith: I can't believe how squeamish you are.
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Veronica: Can you keep your trap shut if we tell you why? No running off and
telling your girlfriend.
Keith: Agreed.
Veronica: Wallace has been kicked off Athletics for his entire senior year for
failing the mandatory drug test but Wallace is clean. See for yourself.
Keith: (stutters) I'll take your word for it.
Veronica: But we don't think Mrs. Fennel ever need know if we just get it
cleared up quickly.
Wallace: You know how my mom is like.
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Veronica: She's taking anyone from
Newspaper, Yearbook, and the Broadcast News class who wants to tour Shark field
tomorrow.
Wallace: Wow. I can't believe you're going.
Veronica: I like baseball.
Wallace: Yeah, but you don't like people.
Veronica: I love people. I'm a people person. I'm just a normal teenage girl
going on a normal school field trip.
Wallace: Right. I know. Normal is the watchword.
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Logan: I think
the sticking point is she's insisting she play herself. The producers on the
other hand are insisting on Tara Reid.
Veronica: Trina wasn't even around.
Logan: Who do you suppose cares? I've always wanted a TV movie version of my
life. Think they'll get Tom Welling to play me?
Veronica: Dream on.
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Dick: Logan! And Logan's special lady friend who I approve of whole-heartily and without reservations.
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Dick: Don't make
me go in there and go all ordinary peep on you, Beav.
Cassidy: The older brother drowns, dumbass.
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Kendall: Welcome
home, children. How was school? Who wants a rice crispy treat?
Cassidy: Gee, Mom, you're the best. But I'll pass. You know Mumsie right?
Dick: The club, the clam bake. Remember? God, you're retarded.
Cassidy: And yet it's a miracle that I managed to score 400 points higher than
you on your SATs, huh?
Kendall: Now, boys, you don't want me to tell your father you couldn't play
nice.
Logan: Uh, I want a rice crispy treat.
Kendall: Go make it yourself then, kid. Do I look like a cook?
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Dick: Ms. Dumbass!
Ms. Dumas: It's Dumas, Dick.
Dick: Well, my name is pronounced Rich-ard. And it stinks back here. I think
someone died.
Ms. Dumas: You're free to sit closer to the front.
Dick: That's okay. I don't think its going to help. Thanks anyways.
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Dick: Hey, who is the lovely young flower blossoming into womanhood?
Duncan: Let me guess. You want to pluck her.
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Duncan: It's like you know, what Willy Wonka would be like if he owned a
professional baseball team.
Veronica: You never played Little League?
Duncan: No. Well. Mom was afraid the ball would hit me in the face, Dad was
afraid it would interfere with mock UN, and I was afraid I couldn't hit a curve
ball.
Veronica: I'm afraid if you're going to get love handles if you eat all that.
Duncan: I have an excellent metabolism.
Veronica: Well, then, it's official. I hate you.
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Dick: Hey. We're not taking that stank-ass bus back to Neptune. My dad's sending
a limo. Would you and your girlfriend, whose quick wit I find enchanting, like
to take the trip back in style?
Duncan: Hell, yeah.
Veronica: Fine.
Dick: Cool.
Veronica: I feel dirty.
Duncan: Dirty... one R or two Rs?
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Veronica: Alright, Duncan. I can't take this anymore. I'm gonna to try and talk
to Meg one more time. You ride in the limo cause I think its going to be easier
if we were not together.
Duncan: You don't owe her anything. You didn't do anything to her.
Veronica: You are so not a girl.
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Veronica: Excuse
me, Mr. Cook?
Terrence: Yes, ma'am?
Veronica: I just wanted to say you are my dad's favorite baseball player. He
keeps your rookie card vacuum-sealed inside a safe.
Terrence: Well, that is an honor. Tell him thanks for me.
Veronica: When my dad finds out about this, he's not going to let me wash this
hand.
Terrence: So, who's your favorite player?
Duncan: Tell him. Be honest.
Terrence: It's Johnny Damon, isn't it?
Veronica: He's so pretty.
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Weevil: What are you doing here, huh? Shouldn't you be running for homecoming
queen or something?
Veronica: I'm safe standing here, right? I mean, you're not going to shoot me,
are you?
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Weevil: So, did you like your taste? Your
little year of living dangerously? Did you get your fill? As soon as they'll
have you back, you go running back to the 09'ers. And, as a little bonus, you
give it up to the richest boys in school. Wow! Ha ha. Well. I'm sure their
sheets are clean.
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Veronica: This is Neptune. Nothing happens accidentally.
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